Today I'm here to talk about cell phone usage. And I'm not talking about my Verizon data plan. I'm talking about the nine out of every ten drivers that I see on the road that are either talking on their cell phone or texting (or Tweeting...or Facebooking...or Pinteresting).
Now I'm all for multi-tasking. I can multi-task with the best of them. But leave that for the work force, shall we? When I'm attempting to merge into the passing lane because the jackass in front of me is driving 45 MPH in a 65 MPH, because he's talking on his cell phone, and then I spot ANOTHER ass clown that is texting in the lane that I'm trying to merge into - and not paying a bit of attention - I have a genuine problem with that.
Just last week, a brand new sparkly silver BMW nearly ran straight into me, cutting me off at a red light at a three-way intersection downtown and gunning it at 70 MPH. And what do I see as I'm driving through the intersection and slamming on my newly-worked-on brakes? The SuperDouche himself, chatting away on his cell phone - with a cop sitting right there, watching the whole scenario unfold.
And while I do realize that you are THE most important person on the face of the planet, Mr. SuperDouche, I'm really not in the mood to die a painful fiery death today. And I really don't think that my family or my friends would be particularly thrilled at the thought of the police picking my severed body parts up from the pavement in the aftermath of a horrific car accident, simply because YOU couldn't stay off of your phone for a measly three seconds. But because you are sooooo important, I know that YOU just really don't care. Kudos, Mr. SuperDouche. Kudos.
Going forward, I think I'm going to BLAST my car horn at any driver who is on his/her cell phone while operating a vehicle. And I'm not talking about a quick "beep." Oh, no, I'm talking about an earth shattering, fully loaded fourty-seven second sounding of my horn that will make any unsuspecting cell-phone-talking driver nearly piss his britches; while making it perfectly clear to him - and everyone around him - that he too - is a SuperDouche.
They make hands-free devices for a reason!! Time to start using them!